Ada Lump Dalam Nenen I (Part 2)

Balik dari solat I tunggu balik kat tempat tadi for my report. I called husband I and tanya dia dah beli makanan ke sebab patutnya tak payah beli and makan je kat sini. Tak terpikir la tadi pulakkan. Tak lama kemudian husband I sampai with the food but I tak ada selera nak makan makanan yang di beli and ajak dia makan kat Dome. Eh, tadi kata tak ada selera nak makan tapi boleh pulak ajak makan kat Dome? Question mark betul. Masa makan kat situ, I mintak chili sauce sampai dua kali but budak tu kata ok tapi dia buat tak tau and buat kerja lain. Nasib baik mood I tengah down kalau tak sure I dah maki dia. Anyway, I makan pun tak habis and lepas makan, I dengan husband I pegi balik kat tempat tadi and I tanya dia how’s my report sebab I punya doctor’s appointment is around 3.30pm. Dorang pun sibuk cari I punya report and call sana sini, around 3.20pm report I pun keluar and I bawak report tu ke Dato’ Dr Suseela’s clinic.

Sampai kat clinic, I tengok dah ada enam orang menunggu. Dan untuk yang kesekian kalinya I tegur and berborak dengan makcik sebelah I. Macam-macam la dia cerita kisah breast cancer dia. Peringkat demi peringkat and also macam mana dia recover and all. Dia jumpa lump dia last year masa dia buat check up kat Hospital Kampung Baru, then dorang suruh dia cari hospital untuk remove cancer dia sebab hospital kampung baru nie tak ada buat so dia pilih Hospital Gleneagles nie. Adik dia jumpa dah terlambat, maklum house wife tinggal kat kampung and beranak tiap tahun so tak perasan la. Bila discover dah lambat and setahun lepas tu passed away. Start daripada haritu la dorang anak beranak buat medical check up nie every year from 2009 and tiba-tiba 2012 lump nie keluar. Nasib baik baru stage 1 and kecik je. So dia remove cepat-cepat and since it was an early stage, dia tak payah buat chemo cuma radiotheraphy aje. Then dia tanya I macam mana, mula la I sebak and dia assure me not to worry about it. And macam-macam kata motivasi dia bagi kat I. Dia ceria permakanan dia macam mana and walaupun umur dia dah 60 tahun tapi dia tak ada sakit apa-apa pun such as diabetes, cholestrol, high blood or heart problem sebab dari muda dia memang jaga makan. Macam-macam tips dia bagi kat I pasal permakanan nie.. I was so impressed. Tapi dia kata, walaupun dia tak sakit-sakit yang lain tengok-tengok dia dapat nie. I tanya dia nangis tak first time dia dapat tau dia ada breast cancer nie, dia kata dia tak nangis and tak takut sebab umur dia dah tua and furthermore dia punya cancer nie early stage and dia langsung tak takut. Wah, makcik nie sangat tabah.. I sungguh admire dia. Dia kata kalau orang sibuk nak jaga muka kenapa orang tak nak sibuk jaga bahagian dalaman. Betul sangat apa dia cakap.

Lepas dia masuk, sementara tunggu nama I kena panggil I berborak dengan perempuan cina sebelah I. My husband must has been geleng his kepala dalam hati watching how peramah his wife was. Perempuan cina nie pun cerita la pasal breast cancer dia. Dia dah remove sebelah nenen dia a few years ago and about three weeks ago dia discover another cancer kat nenen sebelah dia and it needs to be remove too. I kata kat dia masa I jumpa I punya lump I depress and nangis-nangis. Dia kata, perempuan mana yang tak menangis, dia pun macam tu jugak but dia tak nak nangis depan orang yang dia sayangi sebab tak nak dorang susah hati. I yang baru jumpa lump and belum tau lagi what it is pun dah macam nak gila, dorang nie lagi worst daripada I. I jadi malu tiba-tiba. Respect la perempuan prempuan nie. Then dia kata, dia tak peduli nenen dia kena remove as long as dia sihat and panjang umur. Furthermore nenen dia kecik and love one should understand. I kata I punya pun kecik, tu yang selalu pakai push up bra, dia tergelak and cakap dia pun pakai push up bra jugak. Tak pernah dalam hidup I, I berborak dengan ramai cancer and bekas cancer patient. It was so interesting to hear their story. I tell you, these ladies are the most brave and strong women that I ever met in my life. Banyak pengajaran yang I dapat dari mendengar cerita dorang nie.

Then nama I pun di panggil and both of us masuk ke bilik doctor nie. Dato Doctor Suseela nie check I punya report and then tengok I punya mamogram. Doctor tanya-tanya bila I discover my lump nie and I cerita la I ada buat ultrasound kat Ampang Puteri but doctor kat situ tak ada jumpa apa-apa pun and tiba-tiba bulan September lepas I terjumpa. Doctor kata, maybe masa tu kecik lagi. Dia tanya pasal family history ada tak yang ada cancer, I kata my mum ada cancer colon dulu tapi dah operate. Then dia suruh I baring and dia check-check bahagian yang ada lump tu. Masa dia check-check untuk yang kesekian kalinya I menangis lagi sambil kesat-kesat airmata lagi. I know, korang pun dah bosan baca kisah I yang banyak menangis and bergenang airmata ini. Tak abis-abis dengan dramanya I nie. Doctor nie calm aje, dia tak ada marah-marah I pun bila I buat perangai ini, dia cakap baik-baik, mana la tak bertambah manjanya I kan uweks. Dia kata from the look of it, it is not cancer but a fibroadenoma sebab lump I tu smooth, oval and boleh gerak sana sini. Dia tanya I ada tak gerak-gerak masa I rasa, I kata, I rasa keras je. Doctor kata kalau cancer, edges dia crooked. Dia kata my lump needs to be remove. I kata remove je doctor, I don’t want to keep it. Dia kata nanti masa dia operate dia akan tengok lump kat bawah yang kecik tu jugak. Tiba-tiba I jadi risau bila dia mention pasal lump kecik tu huhu..jangan la cancer. Doctor also said that I banyak cyst and calcium merata-rata. Dia kata not to worry and set the date for my operation. Husband I choose bulan November nie. I kata kat doctor kalau cepat lagi bagus so that kita orang boleh balik Bangkok cepat-cepat sebab husband I baru kerja kat sana. Doctor terus panggil receptionist dia and slot the earliest date for me. Doctor suruh buat next week. I was so happy sebab I memang tak sabar nak get rid of it. Doctor kata don’t worry it is just a simple operation and within half an hour aje. Tak payah admitted semalam pun. Lega sikit hati I. I tanya sakit tak, dia kata tak sakit nanti dia bagi pain killer, ubat untuk kalau breast swollen etc.. lepas operate and to come back to do another mamogram after six months... ahhhhhhh....nak lariiii....

On the way balik ke rumah, I discussed dengan husband I pasal arrangement etc. I kata kat husband I the reason why I nak cepat sebab no. 1 memang la I nak get rid of this cepat-cepat and then doctor nie selalu busy, I dengar masa orang nak buat appointment dengan dia through her receptionist, dia full sampai bulan December. I tak nak tunggu lama sangat and takut tiba-tiba jadi besar pulak I punya lump nie..who knows kan.. Doctor also said that tak boleh demam or flu bila nak operate nanti. So I told my husband I tak nak ikut dia balik sebab I tak nak menyangkit dengan orang kat dalam flight nanti. Bukan lama pun dalam beberapa hari je lagi. Lagipun I nak berehat sampai my operation day. Puas la husband I pujuk-pujuk but still I tak nak ikut. Kang kalau I demam or flu dah kena postponed pulak.. tak mau la postponed.

The next day, kita orang pegi rumah family husband I and bagitau dorang pasal hal I nie and furthermore I want to see my bedridden mother in law. Aiza ada birthday party for Adam but I told her I’m not going sebab tak nak menyangkit and I’m preparing for my operation. Lepas tu kita orang buat marketing untuk simpan stock makanan such as sayur, lauk pauk etc. for me until husband I balik dari Bangkok. Malam, Khairul jemput datang rumah for dinner but we plan to go to Khairil’s place dulu sebab ada belikan cucu sedara (anak dia) some toys sebab masa belikan Adam punya present kita orang belikkan budak berdua nie sekali, tapi toys kecik-kecik aje. An an is so cute, omg, I rasa macam nak peluk kuat-kuat tapi I takut mak pak dia marah la pulakkan. I tahan hati je. Dah la dia dengan suka relanya datang menyerah kat I and husband I. As for Rayyan, hmm.. tak payah lah, pandang pun tak nak, boleh tahan garang pulak tu hehe. . Khairil was so kind to offer me to sleep at their house kalau I rasa takut-takut when my husband balik Bangkok nanti. Same goes to Aida and Aiza, masa I bagitau I tinggal since alang-alang nak balik, terus dorang offer nak temankan I. Baik-baik anak buah kita orang nie. But I tak nak la menyusahkan dorang but I’m touched by their kind gestures. Anyway, after that we went to Khairul’s place. Khairul and Shida belanja Nando’s as usual, their favourite’s food. Kita orang bawak ayam percik and ayam black pepper beli kat ayamas. Before that we gave one box for Khairil and family.

Lepas makan-makan, tengok tv borak-borak, Shida buat air kopi. Then I teringat I pernah rasa kopi buatan dia masa I rasa kat mug husband I since I’m not a coffee drinker and I find that, it’s quite delicious. So malam tu, I isi mug I sekali and I benar-benar jatuh cinta dengan air kopi buatan air tangan dia, tak manis, tak pahit, the taste is just right. I don’t know how but, wow.. I minum sikit-sikit untuk menikmati kesedapannya. Pandai Shida buat air kopi untuk aunty, uncle dia and ofcourse abang K kesayangan dia.. Around 10.30pm we went back sebab husband I nak berlepas esok.

Next day in the morning, husband I pujuk I balik lagi. I jadi berbelah bagi, rasa berdosa tak ikut cakap husband I and petang semalam sebelum pegi rumah Khairul and Khairil dah ada acara tangis menangis dari I sebab sedih berpisah dengan husband I untuk beberapa hari and now this morning I nangis macam budak kecik lagi. I cuma sekali je berpisah dengan husband I, itupun masa I baru datang KL, itupun seminggu je. And now this, OMG..I rasa sangat sedih rasa macam bertahun tak jumpa, padahal tak sampai seminggu je. I don’t know how la orang yang dah kahwin boleh duduk-duduk jauh dari pasangan masing-masing. Kalau I, sure bertambah keding kerana menanggung rindu dendam yang teramat parah ini.

Tengahari tu I masak for lunch before husband I pegi. Around 1.30pm husband I berlepas ke airport, masa kat pintu...adoooooii, I nangis, stop, nangis stop, tapi tak ada la meraung ke apa, just nangis sentimental dengan masih berbaju pyjamanya lagi and rambut dikepit klip besar wakaka... We promised each other that we would skype each other as soon as possible. Husband I pesan, jangan keluar rumah and to just stay at home takut I menyangkit kat orang. Risau betul dia. I kata, tak ada la I nak keluar pun. Sebelum I mandi, I pusing ke ruang tamu, I rasa sungguh sunyi and lengang tiba-tiba rasa sayu semacam. Mata I mencari husband I merata-rata. I wish dia tak jadi pegi and tiba-tiba patah balik..but wish tinggal wish. I menyesal tak ikut dia balik, sungguh-sungguh menyesal. Rasa macam nak ketuk je kepala kat meja. I risau sebab tak ada orang masakkan dia, kesian dia sebab diakan kuat makan. Jangan la dia sakit perut lapar. On the way husband I pegi airport, tiba-tiba I dapat call dari hospital bagitau nak buat operation I earlier. I kata, I call balik sebab I need to call my husband. I call husband I, husband I cakap, dahh..orang dah ada kat airport. Dia suruh I accept and confirm of the new date kat hospital tu. Then I kata don’t worry about it nanti I boleh naik taxi and deal this thing myself. Dia balik je ikut ticket yang dia dah beli dulu untuk balik KL. My husband said, he will see about it.

Malam Shida whatsapp and I bagitau dia pasal date operation I yang dah bertukar and I need to go to the hospital one day before the operation to fill up all kind of documents. I kata I naik taxi nanti, dia kata kebetulan dia ganti cuti haritu and dia boleh hantar I. I tersentuh I dengan kesudian dia untuk menghantar I. I cakap apa-apa nanti I akan bagitau dia. Then I berskype dengan husband I. Lepas abis borak-borak, I decided to go to sleep sebab mata dah ngantuk. Sebelum tu I dah angkut stand light yang kat ruang tamu ke bilik. I tak nak tidur gelap-gelap sorang. I thought I tak lena tidur but I had a peaceful night and bangun in time for solat.

Siang tu, Lydia whatsapp I tanya how’s my night, operations etc. I pun bagitau akan date yang dah berubah and dia cakap, nanti dia akan temankan I during the operation and dia akan arrange kan anak-anak dia. Dia akan tunggu I. Sekali lagi I terharu dengan keikhlasan dia. I tak sangka in time of need, dorang sudi nak tolong I and be by my side. Hati I betul-betul tersentuh dengan keperhatian menantu-menantu sedara, bertambah sayang I kat both of them. Same goes to Aida and Aiza, bila dorang tau I sorang-sorang kat rumah, both offer nak temankan.  Tak lama kemudian, Mummy called nangis-nangis and dia kata Mbo cakap dengan dia yang I nak kena operate. Dia tanya siapa jaga I, etc.. I kata don’t worry nanti husband I boleh balik. Dia marah-marah sebab I tak bagitau dia personally. I pun tak bagitau sesiapa pun before this, only Mbo, Wo and my BFF je. Family husband I pun I and husband I cuma bagitau bila dah sampai sini aritu. I don’t like the attention although I’m an attention getter to my husband. So anyway, Mummy said she wants to come over to take care of me, she said although she’s old but she’s still strong. I cakap whose going to take care of your cucu? Mbo’s kids. She said, Mbo ada mak mentua and they can look after the kids while she’s with me. I told her again, don’t worry about it, ada orang jaga I nanti. Kalau boleh I tak nak menyusahkan sesiapa, rasa segan. Well.. she is the biggest shocker of all the call/whatsapp that I received that day. Being the anak yang kurang di beri perhatian di kalangan adik beradik, it come as a surprise to me. I thought she didn’t care or love me enough to want to look after me. And ofcourse, the one who always busy and never once visited me when I was admitted two times before is you know who... Macam-macam alasan dia bagi, ini la itu la, without me asking for her help pun. Biasalah orang being defensive memang macam tu, cepat-cepat dia cover line. I already knew what she’s going to say even before I told her what’s going on with me. Tak pe la I pun tak pernah mengharap apa-apa bantuan dari dia knowing her very well.

Anyway, the next day, my husband called and bagitau dia akan balik petang tu jugak. I kata it’s ok time and time again, that I can take care of some stuff, document to fill, insurance etc. But he said, it is his responsibility, he’d already talked to his boss and his boss said ok that he can have the leave. Makanya one night aje la I tidur sorang-sorang. So I’ve been couped in the house from the time I visited my in law until now, even birthday cucu sedara hari nie pun I dan husband I tak pegi sebab takut menyangkit flu ke demam ke sebab masa nak operate nanti tak boleh sakit. I hope the day of my operation will goes smoothly, doakan I yea my dear friends and readers....

Sekian catatan I untuk kali ini...