A few days ago Jang came to our house before going back to his hometown yesterday evening. I didn’t see Jang for a very long time. The last time was like 10 or more years ago. I was shocked to see his transformation. He was not the Jang that I used to know or see. He was so different. He was so freakin’ ugly, his skin was very dark and his appearance wise? Oh dear.. And his hygiene is the worst. Where were my old Jang? The handsome Jang? The stylish Jang? Jang with the Bermuda shirt? Jang with those cheeky smile? This “Jang” looks lost. What have you done to “him”, I asked myself as I look at him. I feel like crying although I’m not close to him but I did took care of him when he was small like I did to “her”. We have history/memory together after all we share the same gene.

Before he came over to our house, he was staying with Wo for a while. I was told that he and a few of his friends was cheated by the agent that promised them a job base on their speciality and qualification but when they reached Singapore they were asked to do a different job/thing which is more like a labour or something. And then I was told that somebody stole all of his belonging and he lost his IC, hp, clothes etc. except for the clothes that he was on but luckily his passport was with the agent who took hold of it. After much discussion with the agent, he was given back the passport and that was how he make his way to JB and worked in a laundry/doby shop for a while just to get by and “took” a few shirts that was not reclaim or left behind by the customer. After he had enough money, he made his way to visit/stay with Wo for a while. He was planning to go back to his hometown and he has to work there in order to buy his plane ticket.

He made a police report about his lost IC at Wo’s place and plan to collect it at Putra Jaya and that is what he told my husband when my husband came to picked him up at the LRT station. But when I met him in our house, he told me that he changed his mind and he plan to make a new one at his hometown. Lantak kau la Jang. Before meeting him I asked Wo what should I do when I met him..should I hug him or what did she do? She said she just look at him thats all.. How sad it is when you don’t know how to react to your brother? So when Jang came to the door I just smile and greet him... oh no..I said..OMG I can’t believe this is you...you look so dark and like an indon immigrant..then I straight away told him to go and take his bath because he was so smelly...oh dearrr... I still can’t believe that is him!

Then I went through my husband toiletries and look for a new roll on deodorant stick to give to him. While he was still in the bathroom, I called Wo and I was so sad and kasihan tengok his condition and bersosek about him. When he was fresh and clean I asked him to eat and started to have a conversation with him.. I looked at him while he was having his dinner and I feel like hugging him..I felt so sorry for him but I have to be strong and not to give much face as Wo told me to be careful and not to trust him 100%. Isn’t it heartbreak when you have to be suspicious with your own flesh and blood? He told me that he and his wife plan to divorce each other soon.. (we, meaning, me, wo, the younger sister and mummy were not invited to his wedding a few years ago due to a family conflicts.. so you see..aren’t my life pathetic enough?) He said, he and his wife sudah tidak ada persefahaman and he plan to take custody of his daughter..I told and warned him not to take her and let her stay with her mother..I said..just pisahkan kasih sayang between them as long as you can visit him anytime..pls don’t take her away from her mother or I will not support you.

I try to reason with him and wish that he and his wife has a reconciliation before decided for a divorce. He said he don’t understand himself why he and his wife lost all that love between them. He said both of them look at each other and felt weird.. entah la Jang.. I don’t know what’s wrong with your marriage life.. After he had his dinner, he went to have his ciggy moment..I told him not to smoke in the house but go outside and don’t smoke in front of anybody’s house either. Wo told me that he is a chain smoker.. and yes he is (Wo warned me to check on the light because he always forgot to switch off the light/fans and when he go out for a smoke to please check the door as he always forgot to lock it). When he came in, I ask him what is he going to do tomorrow or he can follow my husband to town and drop him somewhere else or he can just lounging around at the swimming pool. He said he didn’t plan to go out.

So the next day he told me that he plan to swim in the swimming pool.. and when he came back he told me that he plan to go out and asked me where is the nearest town for him to walk.. So I gave him some direction and he came back around 8pm. I warned him to be careful and I was kinda worried that he might get caught the attention of a policemen due to his appreance..hahaha... After he had his dinner he went smoking as usual and watched MTV..and the only thing that was left of him was he still has a good taste in music. And when he went to bed..we went out to check the door and yeah..he forgot to lock the door and he didn’t lock the sliding door to the verandah either.....

The next day/yesterday which was his last day in our house (he came on last Sunday evening).. while he was having his lunch, he started to talk about what happened to him and how he feels. He said he was hearing voices a lot while he was in Singapore, he said he can’t think straight..his head is somewhere else and he feel like he was not himself.. He said his body was always hot and on the left side each night before he went to bed and it’s like something pulling him through his head. He said he feels like he is a vanishing soul.. And he feels his wife too. He still can’t figuring out how he managed to go to Singapore, JB, Tampin and now KL with all the craziness around. He thinks that somebody or someone might do some sort of “a black magic” stuff and try to separated both of them. So I asked him, has he ever hurt anybody’s feeling or do some harmful things towards others..he said no and never.. I find it quite ridiculous because if you see him standing in the middle of the road..nobody would even look twice at him.. entah la Jang... I said., if you are a muslim I can help you with the ayat Quran to keep you calm.. But he said, he felt so much better when he’s in our house.. he feel peaceful.. (you better not come and stay here.. haha). He said he plan to berubat and I told him to go and see a psychiatrists..I’m not saying he’s crazy maybe he’s stress out or anything.. I advise him to really look into himself..his life..he needs to change, stay focus, support his daughter financially, look for a stable job..bla bla bla..I know he wouldn’t listen to me but at least I said what I have to say.

I told my husband that I plan to give him some cash..my husband told to use my money, instead he will give him. Before he left, he asked and said he will borrowed from me and plan to pay it back, once he is on his feet. I said..its ok, I know you will never pay me back..he said he promise..I said..nahh... Before this Wo told me that he borrowed money from family member and he doesn’t know how handle money properly. Then he left with my husband to send him to the LRT station which will take him to the Sentral and then to take a bus to the LCCT.. When he left..I felt so sorry for him.. I feel sad..kasihan..kecewa..I wish I can do something about it..But I know I can’t change or help him anymore.. He is an adult..he has a mind of his own..and he is very stubborn. Yes, he’s the only son and Mummy’s favourites.. beside the younger and the eldest sister..

And..when I switch on my hp this morning, I received a distress sms from Wo asking me did Jang call saying that his back in his hometown.. I said no and I don’t expect either knowing him.. She said she was wondering whether he really using the flight.. I said..why don’t you ask Daddy, younger sister and Mummy.. She said, the two of them meaning younger sister and Mummy was asking her..I told her again to ask Daddy..as Jang akan balik ke rumah Daddy... logic la..apa tanya I... Then she said..nevermindlah she will ask Daddy..Bukan ke I suggest tu tadi..hahaha..apa la dorang nie...


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